Motivation, Ego, and Relationships

Here's the background for this post: Summer/ the busiest time of the year for me has ended. It was bittersweet this time. I loved the people this summer and hated to see them go but for once I was looking forward to the fall and the cooler temps.


It has been a year since I started climbing and 9 months-ish that I've gotten serious about training and improving. This summer was not so good for that - and I knew that would be the way coming in to it. It was slightly hard accepting that fact but my motivation level now is even higher. Right after summer ended, I jumped right back to outside (106 degrees, sweaty, dirty trad) route climbing. It felt amazing to be back on the rock.

However, it was a test of my self-restraint not to jump on something hard to work. Over the summer, my left elbow was chipped and the tendons in my left arm/hand were injured in an intense hurt horse experience. Let's just say that there were more of the leadership staff hurt than the horse (the horse ended up being fine, by the way).

Over the last month, I got in trips to Lost Wall (GA), the Red, and Obed. The Lost Wall trip was with Andrew H. It was a great rehab/ first-time-climbing-in-3-months trip. In between the LW and Red/Obed trips, I got some time in at Palisades. Took my first leader fall on gear - it was awesome (Box Lunch = slopey topout). Gear held the 12-14 foot whipper I took and I made another go at it without falling.

Booze and Broads (LW) - I want to do this line on the next trip

My Red/Obed trip was an eye-opening experience. I spent 9 days at the Red and I almost cried having to leave. The climbing of course was amazing but even more so, I absolutely loved the guys that were my climbing partners. Nick (met him at Miguel's in May) and Zach (met him this trip through Nick) were amazing partners [they even put up with me getting up late every morning]. We had a copperhead snake(s) experience and I worked 'To Defy the Laws of Tradition'. However, by the end of my time there my elbow/wrist/hand was hurting so bad I back off of leading 'Boilerplate' (an amazing 5.8) in tears. The guys were super great about it and I ended up napping/ watching them climb the rest of the day.

After we said good-bye, I headed down to Obed to meet up with some B'ham people. It was my first time there and it has some beautiful lines. I only cleaned a couple of really fun routes that I want to go back to lead. I was super worn out by time I got there and it was actually really nice to just to watch some inspiring climbing happen.

So for the motivation, ego, and relationship stuff... My motivation is super high right now. I've been able to keep pushing through anytime that I've wanted to stop. Endurance is want I'm needing for the routes I want to send. I'm through and through a trad climber, and mostly all I've climbed (except cleaning one route) lately is sport. I am missing the critical thinking, the risk/consequence debate, the trust that goes deeper with trad. I have loved the benefits from all of the sport I've done lately; it is more graceful and a different style of climbing. I'm battling with my ego in some of the climbing relationships I have. It is hard to trust, fall, and push my limits if the relationship is not open. I am so glad to have my friend Josh back around the climbing scene. We have a great friendship and are completely open with each other. I'm psyched to see what limits we push this fall.

Enough rambling, I'm going to get my train on... and I also kind of want to bake this!

Happiness is like a butterfly...

...which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Having lived by myself so much this year, I love being around people more and love being able to laugh ridiculously with them. So I started typing this post about a week ago and it started off well but turned into a rant. So I stopped and left it. I left it becuase I don't want to be the person that rants, I want to be the person that is able to help, to change, to make better.

So here is my take two on this post... Over this last year, I have felt every emotion that I think we have named. And I have let some of those expriences change me in some not so great ways. I was talking with one of the girls that works at camp with me and that is also a personal friend about it tonight. I had come to the realization early in the week and I needed to talk to someone about lots of stuff, so I was super excited when she got back tonight! It is so amazing to trust someone so much to just be able to tell the story and have them give you a honest answer, or shoulder to lean on, or whatever you need.

From all of this, I decided to in get in touch with one of my college bff's, Mindy, to restart what we use to call our "Daily Tasks". We would either decide the night before or one of us would text the other early in the morning with a "to-do" for the day. Sometimes they were silly, sometimes easier than others, but most of the time revolved around other people. So our task today was to do one nice thing for 3 different people (didn't matter if we knew them or not). The thing could not be something we normally did and it had to be beyond our normal "oh-that-would-be-nice-to-do-for-them". We had to purposely go out of our way. We also tried not to tell the people either, if they did not know what we did. I couldn't help tell one - I was really excited about it! It felt really awesome to be that intentional to do nice things. I ended up doing more nice things today than I have in a long time.

I hope everyone has an amazing week - happy summer!

"To pursue intimacy with Christ, you'll have to fight for it. "

Today we had volunteers at camp, and they were amazing! Lots of paperwork got done and they helped clear an area for a back deck in the house I will be moving into during the summer. I was able to talk with them and also get some paperwork completed too today. Everyone at camp has gotten sick over the last week, so we've had to band together to get everything done!

This lead to my minor freak out moment today - it is only 28 days away from staff training. AHHHH! There is still so much to be done to get ready (imagine planning a wedding/ party that last 80 days + handling all of the personal relationships + having programs/ people that help campers become better people= planning for summer camp). I probably had a small 30-second panic attack -then I got back to what I was doing...

Later I walked into my coordinator's apartment - he has a stained-glass cross hanging on one of his windows. It hit me - God spoke to me. It was one of those moments when everything is crystal clear. I am supposed to pursue God and give Him all my anxiety, fears, happiness, everything. It will be OK. It will better than OK - it will be exceptional!

I have read Captivating two times and I absolutely love what I gained from it. The title of this post is quote from the book. I very much believe that we get "too busy" in our lives to pursue intimate relationships with God and those around us. So I'm challenging myself to not only spend more time in my relationship with God, but with those I come into contact daily. I feel that by doing both, I will more likely pursue the other too. How can you intentionally pursue a more fulfilling relationship with God and what will you do to become closer to those around you?

Much love :)

"Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light."

So this week is finally coming to an end... I'm actually a little sad - it already felt like summer camp but with more adults. I have not been that stressed out in about two years. To recap, I run all of our camp programs - summer camp, outdoor ed, and retreats. And, this week was our first outdoor ed week of the spring mini-season. And... we were a staff member down. So what does that mean to me, well seeing that this was our biggest week of the season too (what a way to break in new staff!), that meant I had to teach too. Plus, the "regular" duties too -interviews, ordering a new Iceberg, diversity training, reference checks, making sure my staff team is doing great! Some of those things Wanda (my mom) and Kim stepped in and did. God sure knows when to put wonderful people in your life- we will have a new Iceberg soon!

The majority of the week: I had no clue where my Jeep keys where (on my nightstand by my bed), my apartment was slowly destroyed by Rainier (goodbye potting soil), I used the same coffee cup all week (yes, I did rinse it out -sometimes), and I was not able to check my emails until yesterday around 4PM. However, I was able to connect with a child with autism, Rainier provided much needed loving to children that very much deserved it, I know that a child's life is changed because they came to camp, and I know a specific little girl understood me better than I understand myself. I almost cried during lunch when her kind, yet slow, words washed over me. Everyone that encountered her needed extra patience to make sure she was on the right tract, but she, in blunt honesty, said what she wanted to -to everyone. She read my mind and touched my heart and being like only a child can. That is why I do what I do. Because of her. Because there will be more children like her.

During this time of year, my life may seem unbalanced to those on the outside. But, this is the time of year I feel most like myself. Albert Einstein once said, "Only a life lived for others is worth living." I get to be intentional and I get to be a role model for all of the little eyes that watch me every day! Learning how to balance all of my "non-camp" life is something I have tried to do in the past. But I have learned, only those that truly understand will ever understand and the other parts of my life have to complement this lifestyle. I'm naturally drawn to the outdoors, so that helps very much!

The thing that has concerned me this week is my eating and exercise habitats. I try to be as healthy as possible and that so didn't happen this week. However, I have also learned to be kind to myself and know that this past week was peculiar, to say the least. I've been working on fitting time into my schedule for myself and training for climbing helps make this a priority. This upcoming week will be better and I am so excited about it!

I found the title of this post on my Yogi tea bag yesterday as we wrapped up the week! What are some ways you want to be kinder to yourself and be the light? Enjoy :)

New Adventures

Over the last year, I've had lots of new adventures. Some have been actual road trip adventures and some have been more of the figurative kind...

I very much think that life is only fully lived by continuing to learn and grow as a person. I don't believe in settling for "good enough" - I want to push boundaries and be extraordinary. Climbing and camp have taught me so much about ego, patience and becoming more empathic (something I've often struggled with on the inside). I've tumbled and fumbled through some new situations since last May, but they have made me love people even more. Granted I may have been upset or frustrated when they were happening, but I love looking back and being able to say "Wow - look what that taught me."

During all of this too, my relationship with God has grown exponentially. I truly think that each person's relationship with Him is unique and a personal connection. I'm the kind that talks out loud during a stressful day and jokingly asks God what He is trying to teach me. (That's actually where the web address for the blog came from - my mom asks me all the time how my chats are going) I know that I am supposed to be learning something when I am feeling frustrated or stressed. I was thinking about adventures within relationships with others and I think my friend Josh put it the best in his post. What if we ask our selves what we are supposed to learn from each person we meet and what if it was God speaking to us through that person - what would we do, would we treat that person differently?

On a less philosophical note, climbing adventures! I've got to see new parts of this beautiful state, plus others, and meet some of the most amazing people since I began climbing less than a year ago. Sometimes I do wonder if it makes me a bit selfish, but then it is the type of lifestyle I want to lead - so those that understand and live the same don't seem to mind!

I'm going on my first trip to the Red May 7th - 9th! So excited! Have a couple people (plus Rainier) already riding with me, but we always welcome more. I'm meeting some friends from Indy up there and the goal is to just get lots of climbing packed into the couple of days we are there. I really want to focus on leading some easier trad (for me that's in the 5.7-5.8ish range) and pushing my leading limit on sport (breaking into 5.11). I would like to end the trip with some sustained power endurance type climbing.

I'm also super excited about breaking in my new shoes (Evolv Rockstar)!

They are my first not-previously-owned-by-someone-else pair of climbing shoes. Mine are just a little bit different than the product picture- black with pink stripe laces. And they fit perfectly!!! That's very much an accomplishment for me - haven't found a shoe that has fit this well yet. The verdict is still out on how they perform though.

Well now that I've rambled all over the place, it is time to say 'Goodnight'! It is summer camp adventure time tomorrow. Open House!

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." ~Helen Keller

Well Hello!

This is my first foray into blogging on a personal level - we shall see how it goes!

Just in case you don't really know me and happened upon this, I'll let you know the basics about me. The three biggest things within my life are my dog, my job, and climbing. I know what you are thinking -what about family, friends, etc? Believe me! they are unspoken parts of my life but do sometimes get overlooked or are already part of the three BIG things.

Rainier is my sweet, special buddy of a dog. We have been through a lot together and yes, he does act like he is a human. I've not even had him for a year, and I am not sure what I would do without him. Living with him is entertaining to say the least - he is completely blind in his left eye and survived distemper. So, he has a VERY unique personality.



I love my job - it is a lifestyle more than anything! I am the Program Director at a camp that is a summer camp, but also operates an Outdoor Environmental Education program and has retreat groups during some months. I run all of our programs, plus hiring and supervising staff, buying supplies, recruiting volunteers, managing the programs' budgets, plus lots more. I've grown up (literally - my mom works here too) at camp and now live and work here! Like I said, it is a lifestyle (also this wraps in the friends and family - most of my friends come from camp!).

Outdoors have always been a large part of my life - I grew up on an 1800-acre farm. Now that love is very focused on climbing - I've been climbing less than a year and it just clicked from the beginning! Most of the free time I have is spent climbing or training/staying in shape for climbing. I love yoga and trail running too, which fit nicely into climbing training. Instead of New Year's resolutions, I wrote down climbing goals (highly-focused, remember). The awesome thing is that I'm slowly ticking them off the list.

To sum it up, that's what this blog is going to be about: my adventures and my goal of living life to fullest!

Much love :)

"Overcome the notion that you must be regular. It robs you of the chance to be extraordinary"
- Uta Hagen